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Couch Potato: SEC football serves up best TV weekend yet, if not ever

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Johnny Manziel runs off and leaves flailing Sam Houston State defenders in last week's game. (Source: Texas A&M Athletics) Johnny Manziel runs off and leaves flailing Sam Houston State defenders in last week's game. (Source: Texas A&M Athletics)
Christion Jones runs off and leaves Virginia Tech defenders. (Source: University of Alabama Athletics) Christion Jones runs off and leaves Virginia Tech defenders. (Source: University of Alabama Athletics)
Auburn quarterback Nick Marshall fires a pass in the general direction of an eligible receiver against Washington State. (Source: Todd Van Emst, Auburn Athletics) Auburn quarterback Nick Marshall fires a pass in the general direction of an eligible receiver against Washington State. (Source: Todd Van Emst, Auburn Athletics)
  • AuburnMore>>

  • Auburn baseball falls short to Samford University

    Auburn baseball falls short to Samford University

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 9:26 PM EDT2014-04-17 01:26:10 GMT
    The Auburn University baseball team fell just short of a comeback against the Samford Bulldogs on Tuesday night losing 7-6. The Tigers were down 6-0 before scoring four runs in the fifth inning and one
    The Auburn University baseball team fell just short of a comeback against the Samford Bulldogs on Tuesday night losing 7-6.
  • Auburn University baseball team blanks Troy at Plainsman Park

    Auburn University baseball team blanks Troy at Plainsman Park

    Tuesday, April 8 2014 10:56 PM EDT2014-04-09 02:56:38 GMT
    The Auburn University baseball team blanked Troy University on Tuesday at Plainsman Park, beating the Trojans 6-0. The Tigers recorded 14 hits, including four doubles, compared to just six that the Trojans
    The Auburn University baseball team blanked Troy University on Tuesday at Plainsman Park, beating the Trojans 6-0.
  • Auburn baseball commits 4 errors, drops game to Samford

    Auburn baseball commits 4 errors, drops game to Samford

    Wednesday, April 2 2014 5:57 PM EDT2014-04-02 21:57:02 GMT
    The Auburn University baseball team lost to the Samford Bulldogs on Tuesday night at Plainsman Park by a score of 8-1. Auburn committed four errors on the night, the fourth time in the last five games
    The Auburn University baseball team lost to the Samford Bulldogs on Tuesday night at Plainsman Park by a score of 8-1.
  • South CarolinaMore>>

  • USC QB Dylan Thompson visits fan in hospital

    USC QB Dylan Thompson visits fan in hospital

    Thursday, April 17 2014 1:19 AM EDT2014-04-17 05:19:46 GMT
    (Source: Facebook) (Source: Facebook)
    A man who lost his leg in a vehicle accident last week got a special visit Wednesday. Gamecocks quarterback Dylan Thompson stopped by Palmetto Health Richland. Jeremy Brunson lost his leg below the knee
    A man who lost his leg in a vehicle accident last week got a special visit Wednesday at the hospital.
  • Gamecocks fall 10-8 at The Citadel

    Gamecocks fall 10-8 at The Citadel

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 11:34 PM EDT2014-04-17 03:34:30 GMT
    CHARLESTON, SC – Despite homers from Brison Celek and DC Arendas as well as seven hits and 10 walks at the plate, sixth ranked South Carolina fell to The Citadel 10-8 on Wednesday evening in non-conference
    CHARLESTON, SC – Despite homers from Brison Celek and DC Arendas as well as seven hits and 10 walks at the plate, sixth ranked South Carolina fell to The Citadel 10-8 on Wednesday evening in non-conference
  • Victor Hampton arrested on disorderly conduct charge last week

    Victor Hampton arrested on disorderly conduct charge last week

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 8:32 PM EDT2014-04-17 00:32:27 GMT
    As he continues to be sought for questioning in connection with an assault inside a New York City nightclub, we have learned former Gamecocks cornerback Victor Hampton was arrested in Columbia late last
    As he continues to be sought for questioning in connection with an assault inside a New York City nightclub, we have learned former Gamecocks cornerback Victor Hampton was arrested in Columbia late last week on a disorderly conduct charge.
  • LSUMore>>

  • LSU adds home-and-home series with Syracuse

    LSU adds home-and-home series with Syracuse

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 11:46 PM EDT2014-04-17 03:46:13 GMT
    From LSU Sports BATON ROUGE –LSU has added a home-and-home series with Syracuse in football starting with a game at the Carrier Dome in 2015, LSU Vice Chancellor and Director of Athletics Joe Alleva
    LSU football has added a home-and-home series with Syracuse starting in 2015. LSU also announced that the Tigers will open the 2015 season against McNeese State in Tiger Stadium.
  • ESPN to televise LSU-Wisconsin game in Houston

    ESPN to televise LSU-Wisconsin game in Houston

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 11:30 PM EDT2014-04-17 03:30:36 GMT
    From LSU Sports BATON ROUGE – LSU's season-opener against Wisconsin on Aug. 30 at Reliant Stadium in Houston will kickoff at 8 p.m. CT and will be televised by ESPN, the Southeastern Conference and the
    LSU's season-opener against Wisconsin on Aug. 30 at Reliant Stadium in Houston will kickoff at 8 p.m. CT and will be televised by ESPN.
  • Tigers perform drills for coaches at LSU Pro Day

    Tigers perform drills for coaches at LSU Pro Day

    Wednesday, April 9 2014 5:30 PM EDT2014-04-09 21:30:55 GMT
    With the NFL draft a month away, the LSU football players looking to move on to the next level are down to few opportunities left to show teams their worth. LSU reported 17 players from the 2013 squad
    With the NFL draft a month away, the LSU football players looking to move on to the next level are down to few opportunities left to show teams their worth.

(RNN) - At last.

Week 3 is ideal for round-the-clock ball watching on the TV; delightful contests abound.

Couch Potato continues the tradition of citing quotes from awesome movies instead of predicting outcomes, because when you predict outcomes, numbskull fans perceiving imagined bias call your cell phone and say ugly things about your mama.

So this week, we'll be quoting the truly excellent No Country For Old Men, in which Javier Bardem won the Oscar for best performance as a psychopath with a funny haircut, and Tommy Lee Jones didn't win the Oscar for best thing anybody ever did, though he should have.

Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain.

Games of Sept. 14

Alabama at Texas A&M

3:30 p.m. ET, Saturday, CBS

This game is a Couch Potato fever dream, with storylines to make Marvel Comics jealous:

  • The Amazing Spiderman vs. The Regular Person: Johnny Football, who's a lot like the webbed wonder, challenges AJ Game Manager, who closely resembles Peter Parker.
  • Shattered Heroes: Alabama's Hokie-humbled offensive line seeks redemption, still reeling from the loss of three Incredible Hulks.
  • Avengers in Crimson: The only entity to smite the previous incarnation of the Tidal Doombot stands now in defense of its sacred lair against the re-born invaders.
  • The Dark Lord's Fury: Nick Saban unleashes his terrible wrath upon media demons who dare to ask questions not answerable by the phrase "It is what it is."
  • Secrets and Lies: Will Johnny Manziel's autograph scandal and the agent-money reports surrounding former Alabama players D.J. Fluker and Luther Davis be mentioned fewer than 100 times by Gary Danielson and will good ol' Verne Lundquist get the names right?

Texas A&M scored 107 points and rang up 1,200 yards in two games against Rice and Sam Houston – which are small colleges, not a side dish and a dead Texas governor. Alabama gained an anemic 200 yards and still beat Virginia Tech 35-10, proving that the best defense is a good defense.

Gratuitous quote from the great film No Country for Old Men: Whatcha' got ain't nothin' new. This country's hard on people, you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waiting on you. That's vanity.

Tennessee at Oregon

4:30 p.m. ET, Saturday, ABC

Yikes. Unless Oregon commits five turnovers over a period of six successive snaps, this doesn't afford a hopeful opportunity for the rebuilding Volunteers. Worth watching if you enjoy those Discovery Channel documentaries about volcanoes obliterating ancient villages.

Gratuitous quote from the great film No Country for Old Men: Aw, hells bells. They even shot the dog.

Mississippi State at Auburn

7 p.m. ET, Saturday, ESPN 2

Spread offenses and land-grant institutions collide, and these two teams don't like each other, Bob.

Dan Mullen wanted Cam Newton and didn't get him; Gus Malzahn did and now Auburn has a crystal football and Malzahn has a "Head Coach" sign on his office door.

Auburn quarterback Nick Marshall can throw it over yonder mountain, but there's no telling where it might land. Tre Mason is a cool, little running back and the Tigers are already two-thirds of the way to equaling last year's win total.

In the season opener, Mississippi State's offense managed a field goal and Bulldog defenders spent a long afternoon forlornly following Oklahoma State skill players downfield. The next week, the Bulldogs scored infinity points against the egregious Alcorn State.

It's hard to tell exactly how good either of these teams is up to now, so I guess we'll at least find out which one is better Saturday night.

Gratuitous quote from the great film No Country for Old Men: Call it, Friendo

Vanderbilt at South Carolina

7 p.m. ET, Saturday, ESPN

Steve Spurrier himself said South Carolina needs to get down to business and beat these guys or it's not going to be any fun around Columbia. South Carolina is struggling for meaning in an uncertain world after an up-and-down start to the season. The Gamecocks slogged to a win over North Carolina then got a little bit hammered by Georgia.

The Georgia game was really fun until the Gamecocks got goal-line-stood in the fourth period when they went for it on fourth-and-inches out of the shotgun. It gives one pause, mother of mercy, if Georgia learns how to play defense, who shall dare to stand against them? On the other hand, it looked like the USC tackle tripped and fell down.

Vanderbilt and Ole Miss played one of the funnest games you'd ever want to watch to open the season, as Vandy blew leads large and small and wide receivers from both squads ran up and down the field with defenders in futile pursuit. Last week, the Commodores ravaged nearby Austin Peay and it was terrible to behold.

Gratuitous quote from the great film No Country for Old Men:

Nervous Accountant: Are you going to shoot me?

Anton Chigurh: That depends. Do you see me?

The other ones: Louisville continues to make its case as a BCS contender by playing SEC power Kentucky; Southern Miss heads to Arkansas, which has yet to play anybody; LSU may cover the 37 points against Kent State if somebody tells them this is Nick Saban's alma mater; Ole Miss sees if it can turn the dial on Mack Brown's seat up to "incinerate."

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network, all rights reserved.

  • Southeastern ConferenceMore>>

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    Missouri wide receiver Dorial Green-Beckham, once heralded as the No. 1 recruit in the nation out of high school, has been kicked off the team.
    Missouri decided enough was enough.
  • Review: Mizzou didn't follow federal assault rules

    Review: Mizzou didn't follow federal assault rules

    An independent report says the University of Missouri failed to follow parts of the federal law that governs sexual harassment when handling the case of a former swimmer's suicide.
    An independent report released Friday says the University of Missouri failed to follow parts of the federal law that governs sexual harassment on campus when handling the case of a former swimmer's suicide.
  • SEC reigns supreme in Super Bowl

    SEC reigns supreme in Super Bowl

    Tuesday, January 21 2014 7:14 AM EST2014-01-21 12:14:08 GMT
    The Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks have more players and coaches from the SEC than any other conference.
    The Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks have more players and coaches from the SEC than any other conference.
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