The Line King: Thankful for tattoos, road dogs and rivalry week - KFVS12 News & Weather Cape Girardeau, Carbondale, Poplar Bluff

The Line King: Thankful for tattoos, road dogs and rivalry week

  • AlabamaMore>>

  • Alabama football hires two new assistant coaches

    Alabama football hires two new assistant coaches

    Thursday, February 22 2018 5:58 PM EST2018-02-22 22:58:36 GMT
    (Source: University of Alabama)(Source: University of Alabama)
    (Source: University of Alabama)(Source: University of Alabama)

    Alabama head football coach Nick Saban announced Thursday the addition of Dan Enos and Craig Kuligowski to the Crimson Tide coaching staff. Enos will serve as an associate head coach and quarterbacks coach for the Tide, while Kuligowski will be an associate head coach and coach the defensive line. 

    Alabama head football coach Nick Saban announced Thursday the addition of Dan Enos and Craig Kuligowski to the Crimson Tide coaching staff. Enos will serve as an associate head coach and quarterbacks coach for the Tide, while Kuligowski will be an associate head coach and coach the defensive line. 

  • SEC announces lineup for SEC Media Days

    SEC announces lineup for SEC Media Days

    Thursday, February 22 2018 4:59 PM EST2018-02-22 21:59:17 GMT

    Media Days kickoff July 16 from Atlanta's College Football Hall of Fame and  Alabama head coach Nick Saban will speak on day three and Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn on day four.

    Media Days kickoff July 16 from Atlanta's College Football Hall of Fame and  Alabama head coach Nick Saban will speak on day three and Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn on day four.

  • Parents say MCSD should increase safety measures after mass FL shooting

    Parents say MCSD should increase safety measures after mass FL shooting

    Wednesday, February 21 2018 6:36 PM EST2018-02-21 23:36:59 GMT
    (Source: WTVM)(Source: WTVM)

    Parents are speaking out after a Columbus middle school increases safety plans following the mass shooting at a high school in Florida. 

    Parents are speaking out after a Columbus middle school increases safety plans following the mass shooting at a high school in Florida. 

  • LSUMore>>

  • LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    Tuesday, August 11 2015 9:37 PM EDT2015-08-12 01:37:12 GMT
    Tuesday, August 11 2015 10:06 PM EDT2015-08-12 02:06:19 GMT
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.
  • LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:15 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:15:51 GMT
    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:36 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:36:51 GMT
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. 
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. 
  • LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    Wednesday, August 5 2015 12:06 PM EDT2015-08-05 16:06:42 GMT
    Wednesday, August 5 2015 4:52 PM EDT2015-08-05 20:52:04 GMT
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. 
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. 
  • Texas A&MMore>>

  • Game winning shot rattles out, Ole Miss falls at Texas A&M

    Game winning shot rattles out, Ole Miss falls at Texas A&M

    Tuesday, January 16 2018 11:44 PM EST2018-01-17 04:44:02 GMT
    Source: SEC NetworkSource: SEC Network

    Tyler Davis scored 20 points, including Texas A&M's final basket, and the Aggies defeated Mississippi 71-69 on Tuesday night for A&M's first victory in Southeastern Conference play this season. The Rebels' Breein Tyree missed a 3-point attempt at the other end that rattled in and out as time expired.

    Tyler Davis scored 20 points, including Texas A&M's final basket, and the Aggies defeated Mississippi 71-69 on Tuesday night for A&M's first victory in Southeastern Conference play this season. The Rebels' Breein Tyree missed a 3-point attempt at the other end that rattled in and out as time expired.

  • Jimbo Fisher accepts head coach position at Texas A&M

    Jimbo Fisher accepts head coach position at Texas A&M

    Friday, December 1 2017 1:40 PM EST2017-12-01 18:40:51 GMT
    Friday, December 1 2017 1:40 PM EST2017-12-01 18:40:51 GMT

    He had been coaching the team for eight years with a 83-23 record. He succeeded Bobby Bowden in 2010.

    He had been coaching the team for eight years with a 83-23 record. He succeeded Bobby Bowden in 2010.

This column is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only.

(RNN) - Well, it's that time of year again - the obligatory "I'm Thankful for" piece every so-called "journalist" is required to submit to their editor.

TLK is no different.

1. TLK is thankful for the opportunity to write a weekly column for his editor and good old buddy Skeeter Brown - TLK would be even more thankful if Skeeter paid him.

2. TLK is thankful for investing in a tattoo ink factory a while back - at the time it seemed like a crazy idea. Back in the day, only pirates and convicts in French Guiana had tattoos. Today, my granddaughter asked Santa for a gift card to Tattoo Emporium.

Next investment? Miracle tattoo removal cream for when all of these young people turn old and flabby.

3. TLK is thankful for another BCS mess brewing. What if ... Barn beats Bammer and then loses to Mizzou in the $EC championship game; a Tallahassee state attorney files charges; Michigan State beats Ohio State (in the Big 10 Championship game) and SoCar stomps Clemson?

Would we get an OkState-Mizzou national championship game - something TLK would watch?

Nah, the $EC media lap dogs would probably demand a Barn-Bammer rematch. Meanwhile, 24 teams in FCS start their playoff this weekend and it seems to work just fine for them.

4. TLK is thankful for an endless parade of bowl games filled with marginally talented 6-6 teams. Nothing is more satisfying than watching two teams trying to avoid the 6-7 record of shame, battling it out on Christmas Eve in some worn-out, forgotten city, sponsored by the Tattoo Emporium.

5. TLK is thankful for the USC Song Girls, the one last great thing left in college football - you won't see a tattoo on any of them.

6. Finally, TLK is thankful he is 64-52-3 on the year. Maybe I will get invited back next year - for free of course.

Last Week: 5-5 (TLK might get "5-5" tattooed on his neck)

Year: 64-52-3 (Wow, being asked to select 119 games is insane)

Bammer -9 @ Barn: One team's fans will be thankful the other team's fans are miserable for another year.

Johnny Football @ Mizzou -3: Tiger fans are thankful that the farthest team west in the $EC can win the $EC East.

ArKansas +25.5 @ LSUAMC: Fans in Red Stick are thankful they have one more week to complain about TLK.

UGa -3 @ UGa Tech: Dawg fans are thankful Mark Richt has led them to another second-tier bowl game in a second-tier town.

Wake Island @ Vandy -14: Vandy fan is thankful for another winning season, but is beginning to feel guilty for neglecting the basketball team.

Tennessee @ Kentucky +4: Mike $live is thankful these two teams' seasons are over. They have given the $EC and bourbon a bad name.

Clemson @ SoCar -4.5: Gamecock fans are thankful for the clang sound of a missed field goal in OT.

Notre Dame @ Stanford -14: Tree fans are thankful Oregon always finds a way to implode late in the season.

Oregon State @ Oregon -21: Duck fans pretend to be thankful that they will be flying to El Paso on Christmas Day.

Baylor -12.5 @ TCU: Baylor fans are thankful people might forget about last week.

FSU @ Florida: No Line! Seriously, who loses a game giving up ZERO yards passing?

Mississippi @ Ole' Miss State: No Line

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